Pied Beauty

2006-07-13T15:15:00.000-07:00

Visit my new blog at PIEDBEAUTY.ORG

2006-05-11T22:35:00.000-07:00

Alright, I might as well comment like everyone else on the USA Today articled entitled NSA has massive database of Americans' phone calls. The gist of the article is that regardless of FISA laws, which requires a court order and due cause, the NSA (National Security Agency) and good ol' Bushy has demanded and he has been given (by every phone company but Qwest. Yeah Qwest!) all the records of the telephone calls we have made. I was listening to NPR today. They're calling it "social network analysis." The idea is that we each create a unique web of phone calls, so any sudden change in our web or connection from our web to a suspected terrorist web may be detected. Moreover, our unique web may be identified despite location/number changes. It is skeptical and creepy to say the least. Can I just say that it gives me the heebie jeebies? Suddenly all of my grandmother's stories of Nazi Germany come rushing into my mind. I know, you're thinking I am paranoid, but honestly after everything shady and underhanded this admininstration has done (do we remember Padilla, the nucs in Iraq, the torture), let's just say I don't want to trust in their good will, especially when this was done outside illegally. And all this auhtorization and classification bullshit is driving me nuts! What happened to the separation of power? I bet in thirty years we're going to look back and think, "How the hell did that happen?" (if we aren't already).

2006-05-08T17:09:00.000-07:00

There is a good post on Sally McFague, a femiinist theologian, over at TURN.

2006-05-08T17:02:00.000-07:00

Oh, the irony. They call this conference "Together for the Gospel," but completely eliminate half of the population. (Note their "Affirmation and Denials" Aritcle XVI.) I know I feel so united as the body of Christ... Don't you?

2006-05-04T00:43:00.000-07:00

Okay, this is a cool way of surveying our musical history... So you go to shuffle songs on your iPod and then list the first ten songs that are randomly selected from your library. I'm actually a bit nervous about this because, well, I have some very cheesy old school Christian music, but here goes...

1. Voule Vou...; Christina Aguilera; Moulin Rouge
2. I Was Lucky To Know Him; Mark Isham; October Sky Soundtrack
3. Encore 1; Les Miserables
4. Take Time; Lenny Kravitz; 5
5. The World is Black; Good Charlotte; The Chronicles of Life and Death
6. One Sweet World; Dave Matthews Band
7. The Economy of Mercy; Switchfoot; Learning to Breathe
8. Faceless Man; Creed; Human Clay
9. New York, New York; Frank Sinatra
10. Could I Be You; Matchbox 20; More Than You Think You Are

Wow, no cheesy Christian music, but I haven't listened to any of these songs in ages. Latest would be Good Charlotte; a friend just gave me their CD. Now its your turn to fess up to all the NSync you once bought...

2006-05-02T21:07:00.000-07:00

My lastest obssession is Imogen Heap. You may know her as the vocalist from the duo Frou Frou. Her new single, "Goodnight and Go," is awesome and now holds the coveted place of background music on my myspace page. These are the lyrics:

"Skipping beats, blushing cheeks I am struggling
Daydreaming, bed scenes in the corner cafe
And then I'm left in bits recovering tectonic tremblings
You get me every time

Why d'ya have to be so cute?
It's impossible to ignore you
Must you make me laugh so much
It's bad enough we get along so well
Say goodnight and go"

Ahhhh! She is saying exactly how I feel about a certain someone... I hate it! He is too great! I wish he didn't exist (but only because he's not madly in love with me). Unrequited love seems to be my lot in life.

2006-05-01T19:45:00.000-07:00

Meditation On A Beluga:

I love aquariums. When I was in sixth grade, I was an avid member of the Marine Society and dreamed of becoming an oceanographer. Since then I am content to stare at fish while scuba diving, but I still love aquariums. So Shannonn and I went to the Vancouver Aquarium where we happened to see the beluga whales perform. During the show, the trainer mentioned that beluga whales have forty percent body fat. And if you notice, they are not very pretty. In that moment, I had a revelation. God made Beluga whales. And they are fat and ugly. But that is how God made them and that is beautiful. Simple, I know. But like most women, I am susceptible to society's vision of beauty, and it was profound to realize that maybe, just maybe, "they" are wrong. I love belugas.

See the slideshow of my Vancouver Pictures HERE.

2006-04-25T20:36:00.000-07:00

I am back from Vancouver! Wohoo! It was so fun to get away and experience a new, stranger place. I really LOVE to travel. It didn't really register that I was going to a foreign country until I got there and got fun, colorful money. But basically, everything was the same. There was a Starbucks on every corner, and the cars drove on the right side of the road. The best part was spending loads of quality time with my best friend, Shannon. But it also made me realize a few things. First, I am used to being independent. And I like it! I make decisions and never have to wonder whether someone beside me concurs. I was happy to return to my own egocentric life. (Remember that next time I start griping about how the universe has conspired against me to keep me sad and alone forever.) Second, I actually enjoy solitude. Being with someone 24/7 is draining, especially for two high energy women like Shannon and me. I can only take so much laughing and foolishness. Yes, I know its hard to believe, but I am not happy and hyper all the time. For once I was glad to be alone. Third, friends are really great. Shannon and I have known each other since freshman year of college when we were randomly assigned to live together. We were roomies through out college and have stayed more or less close since. All that to say, she knows me well, probably better than anyone, and she loves me and encourages me. That is so precious. It was good to soak up all the love she had to give. But before I get really sappy... she also shows me (inadvertantly) my shortcomings. It was a glimpse into marriage. She forced me to be less selfish (though sometimes I wasn't) and to, well, just be a nicer person. So there you go, the personal reflections on Joy's vacation to Vancouver. Of course, these reflection haven't told the many wonderful adventures on bikes, buses, and feet, but those will come when I post the pictures (which will be next month b/c I ran out of download space on Flickr but some are on there).

2006-04-17T17:51:00.000-07:00

As some of you may know, there was a variety of protests led by Cardinal Mahoney through out the country last monday in response to a new immigration bill, which would control immigration by raising illegal immigration to a felony. Here is an L.A. Times article on a recent protest. Ever since, the issue of immigration has been recurrent and I don't exactly know how to respond. My friend, Wess Daniels, has a great dialogue going on the issue. There are several difficult issues. First, I approach the issue from the standpoint of a liberation theologian,which reminds us of the message of the prophets and the example of God's action on behalf of the oppressed people of Israel in Egypt. God is on the side of the socially marginalized. Note the example of Jesus, who counted tax collectors, prostitutes and drunkards as among his friends and disciples not the wealthy and politically powerful. In our society immigrants are undoubtedly among this population. Second, I would like to note the positive presence that Latino immigrants have in the US. The Evloution of the Mexican-born Workforce in the U.S., written by two Harvard economists, is an informative and provocative look at actual role immigrants play in our economy. Our economy is dependent on their cheap labor, which is unacceptable in my opinion. Third, one of the biggest issues seems to be enforcement. Whatever policy we choose, it must be implemented with justice and efficiency. Even if we had the perfect response, if it is not enforced (without violence or militarization, of course) we will still have the same problem. Finally, we need to look at the broader issue. What is bringing immigrants to America? The jobs and lack of sustainable jobs in their country. Our country so often becomes the focus of immigration that we forget that Mexico is part of the problem. Holly has written a post on the need for just trade between the US and Mexico. That's just some thoughts for now as I explore this issue. I'll be posting more in the future and would appreciate any insight or observation you have.

2006-04-17T17:47:00.000-07:00

I never told ya'll about how I marched in a Peace Parade on Palm Sunday. It was my first experience with direct involvement in social action. I was suprised at how much fun it was. There was no anger or force; we weren't even overly serious. We were sending out a powerful message, but I was just walking with my friends from Pasadena Mennonite and Fuller Seminary. There were a few encouraging car honks along the way and lots of staring, but I don't mind attention (as you probably know). We walked with signs, such as the ones below, and palm branches. I stole my sign from Kent. I love it because it brings the issue of torture, human rights and violence very close to home. It also made realize how simple social action can be when you are part of a community seeking justice. We did it together, and it was fun and easy. I would never have done had I not know Wess, Barry, Holly, and lots of others were going to meet me and walk with me. In fact, I was later invited to go to a candlelight vigil in L.A. by Barry, which I wouldn't have known about or had the courage to go to without him. Sadly, I couldn't go.

2006-04-17T15:49:00.000-07:00

Pictures from Easter, which I hosted! My first holiday! Yeah!

Below is my Mom, Aunt Ruth, Omi and Caitlin

Me and my divine salmon bisque

My brother, Nick

Rosa and I

2006-04-17T15:45:00.000-07:00

Look at my adorable cousins! Lily (8 months), Isaac (6 yrs) and Amanda (4 yrs). I love 'em so much!

2006-04-13T14:44:00.000-07:00

Joy's Story of the Day:

Okay, so I am at work, and this lady comes up wearing a maroon velour jumpsuit (a bit passe dontcha think) with USC Trojans emroidered loudly across the front. To make conversation I ask, "So were you bummed when we lost to USC?"

She looks at me (very soberly) and says, "It was my fault." At which point, I am wracking my mind trying to think of how it could be her fault. Obviously she wasn't playing, so maybe she involved with coaching or the equipment or related to a player or something. "I didn't intercede." What the? "I was supposed to be praying for the game, but my kids were texting me, and I got distracted." So I respond by saying that it surely cannot be solely her fault. Others should have been praying too... "No, sometimes God sends a message but only one person receives it. I received it and didn't pray." She continues with a story of the USC vs. Notre Dame game. God didn't even want her to watch the game but to pray. She actually had to leave to house so she wouldn't watch it. But guess what? They won the game in the last seven seconds. And so she bought Wagner's book on prayer and left. What the ^&*%? Because don't you know God wants us to pray for football over starving children or sickness!?! Ridiculous. We should pray for her.

2006-04-12T19:08:00.000-07:00

Love this picture. Sometimes I feel like she does.

2006-04-11T23:43:00.000-07:00

I climbed a tree today. It was brilliant. Simply divine.

2006-04-09T09:42:00.000-07:00

Can I just tell everyone how insanely obssessed with David (Dah-veed) Garza I am. He is the shit, frickin' amazing!!! I want to eat him all up! I even listen to him in the shower. Yes!

2006-04-09T09:11:00.000-07:00

This is funny. I have started teaching Sunday School for the 3rd to 5th graders. Last week I showed up about an hour early to prepare my lesson. I had just read through the lesson when a girl walks in and then a boy. I had totally forgotten about daylight savings time. Ah! So we roughly went through the lesson and went on a nature walk. LOL, it was totally fine, but this week I was even more anxious about preparing the lesson. I went over it last night and got here an hour and a half early this morning. Now, it is 9.15 (it starts at 9.45) and I have nothing to do so I am posting. I am so silly!

On a more serious note... you may know that I have taken this quarter off completely. With all the family yuck and ensuing school stress of last quarter, learning was not fun. So here I am living life to the hilt. I seriously have been to Hollywood more this week than I have in the last year! I went to see the David Spade Show, Dah-veed at the Largo, and I went to the Rainbow Room (so not as cool as I thought). Anyway, it has been fun but challenging in very different ways. The most difficult part of it has been the comments by others (and my internal over-achiever). So many people respond to my break with a look of disbelief and just say, "So what do you do with your time?" As if time is hard to fill. I am doing all those things that you always want to do but never have time. Like organize your closet or scrapbook all your pictures. Look, I am trying to justify my break to the anonymous internet void. It just pisses me off because they don't know how I am feeling or what I am going through. Grrrr... and yet I also impose those expectations on myself. I find myself feeling guilty for not being stressed out or over-worked and sleep-deprived. Why can't I just spend an afternoon journaling and reading for pleasure or not reading if I don't feel like it? Stupid judgmental workaholics. Dammit I think I am one of them.

Concurrently, I have also realized how unfulfilling it is to gain your sense of value from achievement or success in the eyes of others. This quarter I am not catering to the demands of academia or professors or competition with other students, so no kudos to bolster Joy's self-esteem. And I feel totally crappy about last quarter. I took a PhD seminar with one of the most reknowned professors of philosophy (never my strong suit). Anyways, the first half of the quarter was spent rewriting papers that were apparently shit. And the second half I was dealing with family and fell two weeks behind in work. Add to it the incomplete I took in my other class and you get an overall feeling of failure. Blugh. I hate failure. It sucks. I know know your supposed to learn something from it but whatever. So, grades came out on Wednesday and would you believe it, I got a full-on A in her class!!! And she loved the last paper I wrote! Woohoo! So I felt great for about a day. And then the high left and I was back where I started from. Even the elation of an A in the hardest class I have ever taken was not enough to change my sense of confidence or self-esteem. All that to say, I am realizing how I cannot find my identity or value in what I do or what others think of me. And it is so easy to do because others always think higher of me than I do myself. Inside this bubbly, outgoing personality is a little girl who seriously doubts her worth. Just thinking about it I feel the tears. God, transform me. Let me see your beauty within me. May I live my life in the comfort of your grace and love. You are my audience of One.

2006-04-05T21:20:00.000-07:00

I know, I am a negligent blogger. And I have had the greatest story to post. It happened two weeks ago! So, I was making microwave popcorn at work. I never make it... grew up on the real stuff made in the pan. So I put it in the micro for four minutes like the package says and wander off to chat with my friendly coworker Wess. So about three minutes later Susan, my boss, goes running down the hall and I look up to see smoke billowing out of the break room. Ten seconds later, the fire alarm goes off. And here I am hoping that the alarm only went off in the offices, but no, it went off in the cafe and the bookstore. And we couldn't turn it off - only the fire dept. could when they came fifteen minutes later. Well, it was good you know... like free air freshener... only it was burnt popcorn... ewwww.... So the next day my other boss, Dave, told me the story of how he did the same thing when he was working at Abercrombie and Fitch except he set off the fire alarm for the whole mall! That made me feel a little better.

2006-03-15T15:11:00.000-08:00

Sundays are my favorite days. I cherish them, anticipate them and relish them. LOL, but truly they feed my soul. I sleep in, go to church at eleven, which is always nice. And then... then I have the whole afternoon to myself. I can do whatever I want and go wherever I feel. Its lovely. And I always buy lunch/dinner. Last Sunday I went to this little hole-in-the-wall and had juevos rancheros. God, I love juevos rancheros. Mmmmm... Usually I end up going to a coffeeshop. I sit there leisurely and read and listen to music. I just got these great new headphones because Izzy chewed my old ones. They are so comfy and block out all other sound. So I choose the soundtrack for my afternoon and sit in anonymity and think, ponder, dream... And because I cannot hear I feel separated from the world. I am the transcendent spectator, invincible and untouchable. I am alone in a world of imagination and possibility and freedom. Sigh. Just thinking about it my soul soars. LOL, I am so quixotic and melodramatic. I have a new favorite spot in Borders. There is this huge window with a window seat on the second floor overlooking the street, so I look out the mountains or people watch until well after the sun has set. And then I go home and watch Grey's Anatomy with my roomie. And that is why Sundays are my favorite days. Crap, its only Wednesday. Four days of stress and finals to go.... Bleh.

2006-03-03T00:26:00.000-08:00

You are the Lord our God, who brought your people out of Egypt so that they would no longer be slaves; You broke the bars of their yoke and enabled them to walk with heads held high.
Leviticus 26.13

Come to me all you who are weary and carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
Matthew 11.28-30

2006-03-02T23:57:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the delay. I am so sick of thinking and talking about my brother... So if I haven't called you or talked to you about it, sorry. It is kind of exhausting, but its seems like I cannot stop thinking about him. But it would be sad if I could just forget about my brother on command. So he pled guilty to a misdemeanor and is getting out of jail next week, which scares me. He will basically be homeless and I have no idea what he will do. As part of his parole, the court ordered him to report to the Dept. of Behavorial Health and enroll in their program. I doubt he will do it. I mean, he ended up in jail because he didn't want to get help. So, that's it. I still feel churned up and am beginning to wonder whether I am just grieving or clinically depressed.

On to happier things, my mom and I went to see Curious George after the trial to distract ourselves. You should know that I have been a Curious George fan since high school, so my opinion may be biased. It was great! I am absolutely smitten with George! He was adorable and made the cutest faces! And I usually don't like cartoons, but its a winner. I have already decided to buy it.

I visited my grandma, Omi, last week. She is fabulous - one of my favorite people. We went to see Something New with Sanaa Lathan (Brown Sugar, Love and Basketball). It was neat to see the struggles of an interracial couple. I have always been intimidated by inter-cultural relationships. It would be so difficult, but nobody ever talks about how to deal with it or how it can be great. Still in the end, the movie was just a cute chick flick.

I am giving up sugar for Lent. What am I thinking? Let's see if I can do it. I tried once in undergrad and only made to day twenty.

Guess what? Wait, first I have to give you background. 1) I never pray (well, more as of late, but usually, never). 2) I can sleep forever and through anything. So, Guess what? On Monday morning, God woke me up at 6:30AM to pray!!! I know! It was cool. I just woke up, and thought, "I need to get up and talk to God." That should have started my post.

2006-02-22T23:13:00.000-08:00

Omigod, I just finished leading a three-hour discussion on Alasdair MacIntyre (philosopher).
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh... Its so nice to be done.

But the purpose of this post is to solicit prayer for my brother. His trail is tomorrow. Pray for justice as mental treatment. Jail would not help him.

2006-02-21T15:30:00.000-08:00

I know, its been ages since I posted. Mostly because I have had nothing to stay and still don't. Life has continued despite its suckiness. My brother's trail is on Thursday. I covet your prayers. Please pray that he will opt for psychiatric treatment as opposed to jail time. (Who wouldn't?) He is stubborn about not needing help. Much to our frustration. This process has made me profoundly aware that even though I cannot make decisions for my brother or fix him, his decisions affect those around him powerfully and deeply. I guess that is life as a human in community. Its not fair. I also need divine motivation in school. Honestly, now that the emotional drama has passed, it feels like a cloud has settled around me. I feel weary in my soul, yet I am supposed to be as productive and efficient as ever. I just don't want to read philosophy, okay. It really doesn't seem important right now, but I have to. So that's the update.

2006-02-10T11:17:00.000-08:00

How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I bear pain in my soul,
and have sorrow in my heart all day long?
How long shall my enemy be exalted over me?

Consider and answer me, O Lord my God!
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep the sleep of death,
and my enemy will say, "I have prevailed";
my foes will rejoice because I am shaken.

But I trusted in your steadfast love (hesed);
my heart shall rejoice in you salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
because he has dealt bountifully with me.

- Psalm 13

2006-02-09T00:05:00.000-08:00

So, my brother beat my mom and is in jail. And this is after a psychotic weekend of 911 calls and hospital visits. Talk about trauma. My mother and I have filed a restraining order and tomorrow is his arraignment. Ugh. Bleh. Yuck. This sucks. I feel totally overwhelmed. I want to be an ostrich and just stick my head in the sand. That would be nice. Usually I am so in control of my life. I know what to do and how to do it. And I do it well. But I just don't know. I mean, I guess I can't really do anything, but I don't even know how to feel. There is a tumult of emotions swirling about inside me. Its not very helpful for writing papers. And now I am legally protected from my own brother. He cannot come within 200 yards of me. How odd! My own brother, the one who gives me chocolate, tea and a rock with "Love" engraved on it, who held me when I was crying at my grandfathers funeral, who took me hiking and rockclimbing. I feel as though he is dead and some monster has taken his place. I wish I could find peace and be quiet and still. And all the chaos would settle down. Just float down like feathers back into the world of normalcy. I would even settle for boring and mundane. And don't you dare say that there is peace in God. Sometimes life sucks and there is no peace. If only I could awake from this nightmare.