So, my brother beat my mom and is in jail. And this is after a psychotic weekend of 911 calls and hospital visits. Talk about trauma. My mother and I have filed a restraining order and tomorrow is his arraignment. Ugh. Bleh. Yuck. This sucks. I feel totally overwhelmed. I want to be an ostrich and just stick my head in the sand. That would be nice. Usually I am so in control of my life. I know what to do and how to do it. And I do it well. But I just don't know. I mean, I guess I can't really do anything, but I don't even know how to feel. There is a tumult of emotions swirling about inside me. Its not very helpful for writing papers. And now I am legally protected from my own brother. He cannot come within 200 yards of me. How odd! My own brother, the one who gives me chocolate, tea and a rock with "Love" engraved on it, who held me when I was crying at my grandfathers funeral, who took me hiking and rockclimbing. I feel as though he is dead and some monster has taken his place. I wish I could find peace and be quiet and still. And all the chaos would settle down. Just float down like feathers back into the world of normalcy. I would even settle for boring and mundane. And don't you dare say that there is peace in God. Sometimes life sucks and there is no peace. If only I could awake from this nightmare.